The hospital nightmares have begun. Those awful wake up in the middle of the night, mind going a million miles a minuet, nightmare. I hate them. This first began in the weeks leading up to Malachi's heart surgery. With him, I drempt that I tripped over the bi-pass machine in the or. It unplugged from the wall and he died. I woke up crying. It was so real to me. The next nightmare I had was we were in the hospital recovering and there was a gunman on the lose. Not fun, another abrupt interruption to my sleeping. These dreams continued for days. Then Malachi had his surgery and they stopped.
Much to my surprise, I was awoken the other night to another horrifying nightmare. This time Eli was in the recovery room, intubated. The doc asked if I have ever been intubated, I answered no. He proceeded to strap me to the table and intubate me "so I could fee what it was like." But he keeps me intubated for days on a bed next to Eli. It was horrible to be awake and with it, but not able to talk or eat. Ugh.
I hate the weeks leading up to heart surgery. It's all I can think about and dream about apparently. It feels like I am living each day to get me to the next so that we can be one day close to the 31st. I feel like our life is on pause and we can't move forward until Eli's heart is fixed. I am so looking forward to the big day, but at the same time I don't want it to come. I don't want to see my baby hooked up to everything in the room with a machine breathing for him. I just don't want to do it...again. I don't want to read over the or room notes and see that they used a saw to cut his chest open or that they stopped his heart and relied on a machine to keep him alive. I just don't want to do it. BUT...I will do it, because I know that what lies on the other side is the sweet life. Life with no meds keeping him alive, the life of no NG tubes and the life he would never have if we didn't do this surgery.
In this situation, the grass is greener on the other side. We just have to get through the dessert to see it. And we will. Again.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Potty Training
I know this may be early, but I have already begun thinking about the dreaded potty training. Malachi will be 2 this summer and our plan is to start working on it while Josh is home from work. Bad news is, I have no clue how to potty train. To me its as easy as sitting on the pot and going, to kids, not nearly that easy. So I am looking to you my dear friends who have mastered peeing on the pot...teach me your magic! I would love any tips, tricks or secret bribery to accomplish this goal. THanks!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Us moms
Last night I had the joy of going out to dinner with another mom. Her youngest has Down syndrome too and we met while in the hospital with our little peanuts. Her daughter is a day older than Eli. They too, will be going through heart surgery this month. Dinner was wonderful and we talked all about out kids, of course.
On the way home I began to think about us moms. Not the mom to the "perfect" blonde hair, blue eyes child, but us moms who have been chosen to mother the extra special. While driving through the dark country side (yes we live in the middle of nowhere), I began to cry. Us moms have an instant bond. Without saying a word, us moms just know. I spotted a mom at the store the other day who was fighting with her spirited 4 year old daughter, I had a little chuckle, seeing the mom tell her daughter "no you can not get candy" made me think of my own struggles with my stubborn almost 2 year old. Her daughter had Down syndrome, and although I never said a word to her, we locked eyes and she knew I understood.
Us moms can talk for hours, us moms "get it" and us moms have a invisible bond that will last a lifetime. I am thankful I was chosen to be an "us mom."
On the way home I began to think about us moms. Not the mom to the "perfect" blonde hair, blue eyes child, but us moms who have been chosen to mother the extra special. While driving through the dark country side (yes we live in the middle of nowhere), I began to cry. Us moms have an instant bond. Without saying a word, us moms just know. I spotted a mom at the store the other day who was fighting with her spirited 4 year old daughter, I had a little chuckle, seeing the mom tell her daughter "no you can not get candy" made me think of my own struggles with my stubborn almost 2 year old. Her daughter had Down syndrome, and although I never said a word to her, we locked eyes and she knew I understood.
Us moms can talk for hours, us moms "get it" and us moms have a invisible bond that will last a lifetime. I am thankful I was chosen to be an "us mom."
Thursday, March 11, 2010
LONG OVER DUE
This post is LONG over due! I have been busy, crazy busy, like run around not know where you are going busy. Life with 2 kids under 2 has proven to be eventful.
Eli was taken to the ER on sat. this past weekend and diagnosed with croup. They put him on a steroid and sent us home. Monday he was breathing funny and retracting a lot so Josh gave him a breathing treatment (Malachi's) and let me know before he left for work. About 2 hours later when I got up, I went in to check on him and his list were slightly blue and he was dusky. I decided to take him back to the ER. I gave him a quick breathing treatment and threw both the kids in the car. At the ER they took him right back and stuck him in a trauma room. The oxygen was thrown on a about 10 nurses got blood, started an IV, did an RSV swab and started him on continuous breathing treatments. The doc came in and asked a bunch of questions and told me that we were going to be transfered to another hospital in town. He was in "trama" for about 3 hours before we were admitted to the other hospital. When we go there he seemed to be doing fine. He went the remainder of that day without oxygen and all night. We got to come home late tuesday night. They are not quite sure what happened, but he is now on breathing treatments every 4 hours for about 2 weeks.
We did get his surgery date for March 31st. We are excited to get it over with, now we just need to keep everyone cootie free till the big day!
Malachi is doing well, we start music therapy today and I am super excited for it. He LOVES music, so I know he will really enjoy this! They come right about the time he goes down for a nap, so we will see how he does.
Things are going well otherwise. The snow has finally melted and revealed loads of dog poop that hasn't been picked up since fall.Yikes! The water in the pool has started to melt and we have enjoyed some 60 degree days here! Unfortunately they have been rainy. That is all for now!
Eli was taken to the ER on sat. this past weekend and diagnosed with croup. They put him on a steroid and sent us home. Monday he was breathing funny and retracting a lot so Josh gave him a breathing treatment (Malachi's) and let me know before he left for work. About 2 hours later when I got up, I went in to check on him and his list were slightly blue and he was dusky. I decided to take him back to the ER. I gave him a quick breathing treatment and threw both the kids in the car. At the ER they took him right back and stuck him in a trauma room. The oxygen was thrown on a about 10 nurses got blood, started an IV, did an RSV swab and started him on continuous breathing treatments. The doc came in and asked a bunch of questions and told me that we were going to be transfered to another hospital in town. He was in "trama" for about 3 hours before we were admitted to the other hospital. When we go there he seemed to be doing fine. He went the remainder of that day without oxygen and all night. We got to come home late tuesday night. They are not quite sure what happened, but he is now on breathing treatments every 4 hours for about 2 weeks.
We did get his surgery date for March 31st. We are excited to get it over with, now we just need to keep everyone cootie free till the big day!
Malachi is doing well, we start music therapy today and I am super excited for it. He LOVES music, so I know he will really enjoy this! They come right about the time he goes down for a nap, so we will see how he does.
Things are going well otherwise. The snow has finally melted and revealed loads of dog poop that hasn't been picked up since fall.Yikes! The water in the pool has started to melt and we have enjoyed some 60 degree days here! Unfortunately they have been rainy. That is all for now!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Ohhh, yes.
Eli is having heart surgery March 31st. We are excited about this date because it is in the middle of Joshes spring break, which means he will need to take fewer days off!
Gotta run, Ill write more later!
Gotta run, Ill write more later!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Croup
On top of all the other cooties we have in a house, we can now add croup. Yes my littlest love and I made a trip to the ER early sat. morning. After 2 breathing treatment, one being a steroid, we got to go home. I am so thankful he didn't get admitted, but I am still worried. His cough is nasty, so very very nasty. His eyes turn red and his entire body moved. Not fun. He is not sleeping at night, he is not content anywhere. We go back to the doc tomorrow morning praying that she has a mystery drug that will help our peanut. Please say a little prayer for all of us tonight.
Friday, March 5, 2010
blah
Blah, Blah, Blah...
Both of my boys are sick. Malachi has a sinus infection and bronchitis. Eli....Pneumonia. Blah...
Eli had a night stay in the hospital so he could receive antibiotic injections, we got home yesterday afternoon.
Malachi is now on 2 meds, with breathing treatments every 6 hours. We gave Eli 2 treatments too...he was sounding weezy. Blah, Blah...
Today we took Eli to Children's. He had an Echo and then we met with the surgeon, Dr. Backer. Well, that didn't go as planned because Dr. Backer was in surgery, so we met with his partner, Dr. Russel. We were expecting to get Eli's surgery date but since his Echo ran long, the secretary was already gone. Now we wait till monday. Blah, Blah, Blah...
Both of my boys are sick. Malachi has a sinus infection and bronchitis. Eli....Pneumonia. Blah...
Eli had a night stay in the hospital so he could receive antibiotic injections, we got home yesterday afternoon.
Malachi is now on 2 meds, with breathing treatments every 6 hours. We gave Eli 2 treatments too...he was sounding weezy. Blah, Blah...
Today we took Eli to Children's. He had an Echo and then we met with the surgeon, Dr. Backer. Well, that didn't go as planned because Dr. Backer was in surgery, so we met with his partner, Dr. Russel. We were expecting to get Eli's surgery date but since his Echo ran long, the secretary was already gone. Now we wait till monday. Blah, Blah, Blah...
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