Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The truth

The truth? I'm struggling. The weather has been beautiful around here and everyone has been out and about. Parks, cook outs, play dates with friends...we have done it all. Typically I have enjoyed the winter send off and the arrival of spring but this year it has been different. Each trip to the park, a chance to compare. Each cook out, a reminder of struggle and each play date a slap in the face. The truth? I have times when I don't want to be around other children. 

I said it and I feel guilty for it. 

Malachi is nearly 4 and still not verbally communicated in a typical way. He can't walk up the stairs, he can't swing alone, he can buckle himself into the car seat and he still struggles with eating. These are just a few of the things I am reminded of each time we are around other kids.

I know I shouldn't compare, but I do. For so long I have managed to steer clear of this road focusing on the long list of positives and brushing the negative aside to worry about another day. Well, I think that day is finally here and it sucks. It's like the black hole, once you are in it seems nearly impossible to get out.

Oh yeah and the real kicker? I get to multiply these feelings by 2. 

So what do I do? How do I get out of this place? I don't have the answer for you, not sure if I ever will. What I do know is that my children are beautiful and perfect. They are happy, active and joyful little men who light up the room when they walk in. Yes the have their challenges but we all have our own mountain to climb and we will reach the top in our own time. 

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Just another day in paradise

Things here have be going GREAT! Winter is over and we have been experiencing amazingly mild temperatures here in Illinois. The warmth had allowed us to get outside and enjoy the sun which I am extremely grateful for! I attempted my first trip to the park with the boys since Elijah has been walking and the second I put them down they each took off in a different direction. It was some what of a comedy as I am running around trying to corral my children. We lasted about 20 mins. before I was spent. As I was gathering the boys, Elijah decided to throw the biggest temper tantrum, the kid didn't want to leave and did everything possible to get me to leave him there. He has done this a few times since then, little stinker! While at the park another mom asked me if  I was there for my job, as in a nanny. Ha! What is wrong with people? Are white parents not allowed to have black children? I answered no and walked away. I know she was thinking I was a hussy, having 2 toddlers so close in age clearly by different dads. Welcome to my life, it really could be a sitcom!

Malachi is rocking it at school! He is just growing up so quickly! We are excited because we just found out he will be getting an extended school year. 6 more weeks of school will be a HUGE benefit for him and his current teacher will be teaching it!

Elijah has turned into a little boy in the past few weeks. He is independent and stubborn as ever but at the same time he is a little comedian and keeps Josh and I laughing constantly. We are looking forward to seeing him develop strong communication skills this summer. His verbal speech is coming along great. He can now say up, down, I got ya, hi and go. He is truly doing fantastic!