Bam

Our life lately have been a whirlwind. Just when we thought things were settling down...BAM...Malachi has his stroke and then a few days later we were told he has Moyamoy and then...BAM...he will be needing major, MAJOR surgery on his delicate brain. The last few weeks have been trying to say the least, a true test of our Faith. We have felt the entire gamut of emotions. Presently, we are at peace, an unexplainable peace that we can only attribute to God and his ability to carry our burdens when they are to much to do it on our own. Malachi is stable and doing well..for now..blood flow in his brain is still restricted and a stroke is always looming right around the corner but he is happy, he is alive and he continues to improve and we are choosing to focus on that. 

I need to be honest here, although I have come to terms with all that is going on with Malachi...I am still hurting. I am angry and struggling to forgive. No, I am not hurting because Malachi is going though this, I am not angry because God chose our family to weather this storm and no I am not struggling to forgive myself for not catching the signs earlier. What we are going through right now is HUGE, Malachi could suffer another stroke at anytime, a stroke that could end his life and there is absolutely nothing I or any medical professional can do about it. Perhaps you don't understand the severity of this disease or the impact it is having on our family. Perhaps you do understand and you just don't care enough to reach out to us. Perhaps your situation is worse than ours which leaves you numb. Perhaps your life is perfect and you thank God for your healthy children but what would you do if you woke up tomorrow and your perfectly healthy child was laying lifeless? Who would you turn to? Would would you call? How would you react? Would your family be there to support you? How about your friends? Your Church? We have been blessed with wonderful families who have been by our side each step of the way. Our close friends have also been amazingly supportive. But if I am being 100% honest, I have been disappointed. People who I have expected to be there, haven't been. People who say "we are praying for you" yet never call to pray over the phone or meet us at the hospital while we wait for 4 hours to be transfered to another hospital. Yes my feelings are hurt, I am angry and I am struggling to forgive. I am praying for the words to say and that I have a gentle heart when I talk with those people. Please pray for me as I seek God in this situation....