Consider this senario with me...
A husband and wife gather their family together to tell them the good news. After years of trying they are finally pregnant! Their family is bursting with joy, they know this has been a long journey. Soon after the announcement the questions begin...
"how far along are you? When are you due? How are you going to fit in that small house? Do you know the gender?"
Their responses are typical...
You make think this is silly, perhaps it is. I was talking to a friend the other day who is currently pregnant with her first child. They had been trying for a while and finally they got to announce that she was, in fact, pregnant. I have never gotten to pee on the pregger stick or announce to the world that I was carrying a new life in my bellie but I am the mom to two amazing boys I have felt the joy in bringing them home for the first time and the excitement in introducing them to our family.
Back to my friend...
I was around her recently when someone asked if she wanted a girl or a boy...her response? "it doesn't matter as long as he or she is healthy."
I've heard it a million times and I'm sure you have too. At the time I didn't give it a second thought, after all isn't that what every mom hopes for? But it didn't take long for me to think...but what if that joy as days comes when you get to meet your child and you find out that they are not healthy? What happens then?
Our situation is different. We adopted both boys knowing that they were "not healthy", down syndrome, heart conditions, prematurity...the list really does go on and on. All those things we knew about...
About a year an a half into motherhood I was taught an invaluable lesson when we found out Malachi had a stroke and his further diagnosis of moyamoya. I learned that at any second your life can change. I could deal with all those things listed on the adoption papers, but a stroke? Brain surgery? I didn't sign up for that. As Josh and I sat in the er room holding Malachi worrying about all the what it's we had a discussion. Through our sobbing, we decided that no matter what happened our hopes and dreams for Malachi would not change. He was alive and at the end of the day, that's all that mattered.
So what do you want, a boy or a girl? I'll tell you what I would want...a baby who will make this world a better place just for being born. A baby that will teach us the meaning of life is more than just getting from point a to point b. That's the kind of baby I would want, any baby healthy or not will do just that. I'm thankful for my children even though they were not born healthy and my dreams for them are to grow up to be the best they can possibly be!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
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oh thankyou for a beautiful post, never a truer word said. i loved it
I just wanted to say that I read your blog frequently (not sure how I came upon it) but I have never commented. This post made me comment though. I "connect" with you I guess because my son was born with a myriad of health problems too including heart issues. I agree completely with what you have said-an "unhealthy" baby can give more to the world and experience more from the world any day.
Not to play devil's advocate, but I think some people don't know what to say - that's what they grew up hearing, so to speak. "A healthy baby boy/girl". When we first filled out the adoption paperwork, that's what we put on paper - "healthy caucasion newborn". We later changed our criteria and adopted a perfect multi-racial, 5 wk old boy, with Down syndrome and a heart defect. Never in my wildest dreams would we have guessed that's what God had in store for us. And we couldn't be more thankful and blessed. And frankly, why wouldn't you hope for a healthy child? That doesn't mean you won't love your child if they aren't as healthy, or later in life have medical problems. Sorry, this is turning lengthy. I think people just don't think before they speak. They don't really mean anything by it, I hope.
P.S. That came across a little negative. Didn't mean it to. Love your blog and your honesty, and your perfect beautiful boys!!
Kristin, Thank you for your comments. I would like to say that the comment about "not knowing what to say, thats what they grew up with"...This rubs me the wrong way. People (especially my parents and grandparents) grew up thinking people with a different color skin were less and people with disabilities belonged in an institution. If we all base our standards on what we grew up with, we would be missing out on a world full of diversity. My only purpose of the post is to make people question that perhaps we can wish for more than a healthy baby but rather a baby who was perfectly made in Gods image, healthy or not.
Thanks again for your thoughts, i love that we live in a place where different opinions and different thoughts can be discussed openly!
Beautiful post!! I declined all prenatal testing with my daughter because I wanted a *baby,* not a diagnosis.
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