I woke up this moring and packed up most of our stuff at RMH. I was ready to go and looking forward to going home. I got to the hospital and was greeted by many nurses telling me that we were getting to go home. After rounds the nurse came in and said that they made changes to his meds and that possibly tomorrow we could go home. I pretty much broke down. I was so disappointed. Friday this week it will be 3 weeks that we have been here. Im tired physically and emotionally. As great as RMH is, I want to sleep in my own bed in my own house. I want to eat a home cooked meal and relax on my own furniture. I want to have peewee sleep in his own crib and get back to a normal schedule. I want to go to church on sundays and small group. Maybe im being selfish, but for the last 4 months all of my energy has been towards caring for Malachi. Feeding his so he gained weight, giving meds, taking him to appointments, playing with him and trying to keep him from getting sick. The last 14 days I have spent most of my time in the hospital room trying to care for Malachi as much as I can. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE doing it and I wouldn't change it for anything. But I need a break. Just for 1 day. All I want for my b-day, valentines day, Christmas, sweetest day and anniversary is 1 day to myself. A day where I get a massage, breakfast in bed, time to read a book and enjoy time by myself! I think its just one of those days where I am feeling sorry for myself. Tomorrow I will be back to my normal self, I am sure.
We may possibly be going home tomorrow. Im trying not to get my hopes up..we will see.