You may have noticed that I took my last post down. 2010 is going to be a different kind of year for me. For to long I have worried about making people happy. I tried so hard to be liked and loved. I took EVERYTHING personally and was often left feeling "less than". I had been like that my entire life, trying to live up to the standard of my peers, family and friends. It was no way to live. I decided things needed to change. I want my life, my entire life, to be a reflection of Christs love. I want to be the body, going and doing, all along reflecting back to Christ as my all in all. I want every decision made to be Christs will for my life. The only person I will worry about pleasing is Him, His opinion is the only one that matters at the end of the day. This is going to be difficult for me, I'll be honest. My happiness will no longer lie in other people control. I will not worry about what he said or she said, wether their statements we direct or indirectly related to me. I will no longer feel less than, people with a education or the person who has more stuff, friends, money or popularity. I don't deserve the things I have now, my house, car, the things in it, but God so graciously gave it all to me. I will choose the be thankful, for the good, the bad and the ugly. All along, I will love, unconditionally. I will be open to every opportunity, willing to go when called and not worry about what people have to say about it. And today I start and it feels good.
We got an email back about the baby. It looks like the birth family has narrowed it down to 2 family. We have a 50/50 chance. The birth parents will be meeting to go over our portfolio today or tomorrow (weather permitting), they will be given the opportunity to ask additional questions. They have a week to make their final decision (could be quicker, but shouldn't be to much longer). When I read the email, my heart broke. I was so wrapped up in the excitement of possibly having another child, the joys that he would bring and the wonderful home we could give him. Never did I stop to think about his birth parents. Just another example of my selfish ways. The HUGE decision they are about to make is not an easy one, Im sure. So I am going to ask you all to stop crossing your body parts and stop praying...for us. Rather pray for the birth parents, for their big decision. Let them feel God's loving arms around them, to comfort them through this process. Pray that their decision can be made and that they feel content with their decision. Pray that they stop and try to enjoy this process, adoption is a BEAUTIFUL thing. And pray for both perspective families that they/we have gracious hearts, patience minds and humble attitudes. We will be thankful, no matter what the outcome!
One last thing. To all of you who have read this blog and ever been offended or hurt, I am sorry. I am not perfect, I will make mistakes, lots of them. I am sorry, truly sorry. I am not good at saying sorry, I am working on it. Please bare with me, as we (God and I), work on changing me!